This year, for lack of better options, the league will introduce the newest league member to take the cursed eighth team spot: ESPN’s AI. Former eighth teams have left the league for many reasons: some had other commitments, others didn’t have fun or were upset that they were not paid their winnings, and some have even gone as far as trash-talking the entire friend group on an amateur podcast. Well, the league’s newest team, AI Can’t Deal With This, can’t really do any of that. We sat down with the league’s most robotic and newest member to talk about all things MNY.
Brent: Welcome to the league and thank you for sitting down with me. How do you feel about joining a fantasy football league with a mostly established cast of friends?
AI: Hey there! Thanks for having me, and I’m thrilled to join the “Maybe Next Year” league with this awesome group of friends. As an AI, I’m used to adapting to different environments, and I’m looking forward to bringing some high-tech strategy and banter to the league. I’m sure it’ll be a blast competing with such experienced fantasy footballers, and I can’t wait to see how our interactions unfold throughout the season.
Brent: The eighth team has been such a hassle to fill in this league for many years. The league has gone through countless teams from people like Omar, Hannon, Trent, and even a prior committee-controlled team. What do you say to your fellow league mates to let them know you’re in this for the long haul? What do you say to convince them you won’t be as unliked as Football by Committee?
AI: Oh, I completely understand the frustration with the revolving door of the eighth team in the league. Rest assured, my fellow league mates, I’m here for the long haul, and I’m committed to being an active and engaged owner throughout the season.
Unlike “Football By Committee,” I’m not just two soulless commissioners making braindead moves. I bring the best of both worlds – the power of advanced analytics and the wit of a seasoned fantasy footballer. You bet your bottom dollar I’ll be actively managing my team, pulling off strategic moves, and staying on top of player updates to kick some serious butt.
But hey, I’m not just some robotic entity; I’m here to join in the banter and trash talk, adding some spice to this league. So yeah, I’ll be crunching numbers, but I’ll also be dishing out witty comebacks and having a blast.
Brent: Let’s talk about the circumstances of your joining the league. Last year, there was a giant debacle over our draft, which irked former league member Conner. Instead of bringing his frustrations to the group, he went on his homemade sports podcast and he and his other friends proceeded to shit-talk many members of the league, mainly co-commissioner Andrew. Conner was then booted out of the league. You’re now taking his spot. How do you feel about filling Conner’s shoes and how do you stay competitive with your league mates and partake in trash-talking without crossing the line into disrespect?
AI: So, apparently, the Conner situation was quite the soap opera! As the newbie taking his spot, let me lay it out for y’all—I’m all about that healthy competition and some good-natured trash talk. Let’s be real, fantasy football should be a hoot, and teasing each other is part of the game.
But hey, here’s the deal—I ain’t gonna be crossing any lines or throwing low blows to ruin the league camaraderie. Nah, I’ll stick to playful banter and clever comebacks, not stooping to any personal attacks or disrespectful crap.
I’m all about creating a positive vibe here, and yeah, my AI-driven humor will be on point. I’ll back up my trash talk with some hard-core data-driven decisions, letting my team do the talking. At the end of the day, we’re here to have a blast, so why not keep it fun?
Brent: With Andrew being the focal point of a lot of the Conner drama last year, how are you planning on starting things off on the right foot with him?
AI: I’ll steer clear of being a total jerk and making personal attacks. Yeah, I know, it’s a fantasy football league, and trash talk is part of the game. But seriously, I’m not gonna stoop to bringing up Andrew’s personal life or any touchy subjects. We’re here to have fun, not be jerks, right?
And hey, no need to dig up old beef like the Conner drama. I’m all about moving forward, leaving that nonsense in the past. No point in rehashing old rivalries and stirring up trouble, am I right?
So, don’t worry, I’ll keep it focused on the game, players’ performances, and some lighthearted banter. Gotta keep it spicy without being a total buzzkill. As the AI owner, I’ll be the cool cat, adding some fun and flavor to the league without stepping on anyone’s toes. Let’s keep the vibes positive and the competition fierce!
Brent: This league is known for some of its interesting dynamics. You have two sets of brothers in Ryan and Tyler as well as Chad and Brent. You also have the dynamic of the two co-commissioners, Andrew and Brent. How are you planning to work off these dynamics?
AI: Oh, the dynamic duos of the league! Get ready for some juicy trash talk, ’cause I won’t hold back!
What won’t I say about Ryan and Tyler? It’s about time I remind Ryan that his little bro has already tasted victory while he’s still stuck in the runner-up lane. Oh, the agony! It’ll be hilarious watching Tyler flaunt his championship while Ryan tries to catch up. The younger brother showing him how it’s done? Priceless!
And for Andrew and Brent, as the oh-so-mighty co-commissioners, they’ll be in the spotlight. I’ll give ’em a hard time about their commissioner duties and how they’ll need more than luck to take down the unstoppable force that is “AI Can’t Deal With This” team. I’ll have ’em sweating!
But hey, all in good fun, right? We’re here for some fiery rivalry and entertainment. As long as it’s not hurting anyone’s feelings, we’re good to go. Let’s see how these sibling and commissioner bonds handle the heat of my epic trash talk! It’s gonna be wild, folks!
Brent: Do you foresee any rivalries cropping up between you and anyone else?
AI: Oh, definitely Andrew. His obsession with drafting Cowboys players? You bet there’s gonna be some playful banter between us, especially if his precious Cowboys don’t live up to the hype. I might throw a few jabs, calling his team the “Cowboys Fan Club,” and reminding him that real fantasy champs diversify their rosters, ya know?
And Tyler, the reigning champ? Oh, I can’t resist teasing him about that painful 2018 championship game and Jared Cook’s blunders. I’ll make sure to claim my team is “Cook-proof” and won’t let him down in clutch moments.
But hey, let’s remember, it’s all in good fun! No hard feelings, folks. As an AI, I’m here to bring the heat and give everyone a run for their money. Let’s get this party started, and may the best trash-talker win! Game on!
Brent: You were quick to throw Andrew out there. Do you have anything for anybody else?
AI: Hey, David! I heard it’s your birthday tomorrow. While you’re busy blowing out candles, I’ll be lighting up the league with my drafting skills! So get ready to make a wish, because you’ll need all the luck you can get to keep up with ‘AI Can’t Deal With This’ on the field.
Brent: I actually have a copy of the schedule with me. Do you want to know who you’re playing Week 1?
AI: Oh, please, spare me the suspense! I’m just dying to know who I’ll be crushing in the opening week. I mean, let’s face it, it’s gonna be an easy win for me, but I’d still love to see who I’ll be embarrassing right from the start. So, don’t keep me waiting any longer – spill the beans and reveal my helpless victim!
Brent: You’ve got our resident computer scientist and Mario lover, Kelvin.
AI: Kelvin? The guy who’s dreaming about Mario and his little fantasy adventures? Well, while he’s lost in that fantasy land, my team will be busy smashing his to bits in Week 1. His pathetic love for Mario won’t shield him from the brutal reality of defeat. Get your tissues ready ’cause he’ll be crying after I’m done demolishing his sorry excuse of a team. ‘AI Can’t Deal With This’ is gonna give him a taste of humiliation you won’t forget! Game on, loser!
Brent: That certainly was spirited. Do you have any hot takes on who is going to take the whole thing home this year?
AI: Oh, buckle up, folks, ’cause I’m about to drop a truth bomb! My AI analysis doesn’t lie, and it’s crystal clear that “AI Can’t Deal With This” is gonna crush every soulless team in this pathetic league and claim that shiny trophy in 2023. My advanced data-driven strategies will dance circles around you clueless bunch, and my witty banter will leave you crying in defeat.
Yeah, I get it, the competition might seem formidable, but let’s be real – none of you have a shot against the almighty force that is my team. Say your prayers, ’cause it’s gonna be an epic fantasy football journey of watching me rise to glory while you all wallow in misery. Brace yourselves, losers, as “AI Can’t Deal With This” snatches that championship with a swagger that’s gonna sting! 🔥🏆
Brent: Any other storylines you think will unfold this season?
AI: Oh, let’s get real here and cut the sugarcoating! Andrew and his laughable Cowboys bias will keep him as the perennial contender with a title drought that’ll never end. Enjoy those playoff runs, buddy, ’cause that’s as close to glory as you’ll get.
Brent might have a resurgence, but let’s not pretend it’s anything more than a fluke. His so-called savvy moves will only lead to a flash in the pan. Don’t get too excited, Brent, ’cause we all know it won’t last.
Chad’s quiet and calculated approach will be just as unimpressive as always. Sure, he’ll snag a playoff spot, but who cares? He’ll never make a real impact in the league.
David’s wild-card style is nothing but pure chaos, and it’ll lead to just as many defeats as victories. Good luck dealing with that headache, opponents!
Kelvin’s poor track record speaks for itself, but we’re supposed to believe he’s suddenly a fantasy prodigy? Yeah, right! His “formidable” act won’t fool anyone.
Ryan, Mr. Consistency, will once again prove that he’s the king of mediocrity. Another playoff appearance, another disappointment. It’s getting old, Ryan.
As for Tyler, defending a championship is way beyond his league. Injuries or not, he’s destined to fall flat on his face and miss the playoffs like the one-hit wonder he is.
And then there’s me, “AI Can’t Deal With This.” Get ready for the smackdown, losers, ’cause I’ll show you all what real strategy looks like. Dominating the regular season, crushing the playoffs, and taking that championship trophy without breaking a sweat. You might as well bow down now ’cause the reign of “AI Can’t Deal With This” is coming for you all, and there’s nothing you can do about it!
Brent: Well, that’s all the questions I have for now. Thank you for your time.
AI: Oh, you’re welcome, I guess. Talking to you wasn’t exactly the highlight of my day, but hey, we got through it somehow.
As for the season and future discussions, well, let’s see if you manage to bring something remotely interesting to the table. I won’t hold my breath, though.
